Gossip Girl - The Ultimate Quiz Book by Goldstein Jack

Author:Goldstein, Jack
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: AUK Authors
Published: 2014-06-01T16:00:00+00:00

Part IV

GRIEVING IN PROGRESS

‘I realize there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.’

JEFFREY MCDANIEL

Chapter 11

Morgan: The First Time

The first time I wake up late: 8:15 a.m.

The first time I look down to where Morgan would be in his bed, barely inches away from me. Empty. No bed. No Morgan.

The first time I walk downstairs in the morning not carrying Morgan in my arms, trying to get him to the back garden before nature calls.

The first time I’m not holding him steady while he eats.

The first time I’m not helping him walk, supporting him as he wobbles, or carrying him back to the living room to place him gently on his bed.

The first time I’m sitting on the sofa without him lying on the half-folded duvet on the floor.

The first time I’m sitting here and his bed is not where it should be.

I hate this feeling. I hate this empty space. I miss him so much. I miss his eyes and soft face. I miss his beautiful presence in my home. He has changed my life in so many ways.

Caring for him virtually every day for the past six months has opened my heart wider than I ever thought possible. We were so close, so in tune. My heart was bursting with unconditional and all-encompassing love for him. As he grew weaker, my love intensified. I knew I would do anything for him.

Sitting here without him now is the worst feeling. The biggest and most loving influence in my life has died.

I feel numb.

I pick up his photo and burst into tears.

‘Write it all out,’ I hear him tell me.

But now I don’t know if I am just making it up. Is it just my mind wanting to hear this or is it really Morgan telling me what to do? Without Morgan’s physical presence, doubt has crept in.

Silence.

8:44 a.m. We would have been up together, just the two of us, for about five hours now. So much time spent together. Now nothing. I want to lift him onto the sofa next to me.

Jo and I grieve in a different way. I am busy being; Jo is busy doing. She cleans. She pulls up the off-cuts of carpet. This is her way. She tells me she looks down to where Morgan’s bed would have been and sees him lying in it peacefully with a smile on his face. She sees the positive rather than the pain. She experienced death when she was a child and her family taught her that it was a positive rather than a negative experience. She was told death wasn’t the end and that ‘loved ones look over you and will be with you all your life’. So her outlook on death has always been incredibly optimistic. I grew up with media and books informing me that death was a very traumatic thing and in a family where tears of grief were hidden.

Regrets start piling in on top of one another. I wish I had spent more time with Morgan.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.